Ground Rules: Man’s Immaturity

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Categories:  Life, Relationships
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There are hundreds of things that women look for in a man. Each woman may prioritize them differently, but given enough time they could write an Encyclopedia Britannica of things that they want in a man. Quite frankly, those things just aren’t who we are.

After you have your first relationship, you begin using the information gained in that experience to define what you look for in future relationships. However, most of what is learned is what you DON’T want rather than what you DO want.
Someone Wise

This may be why women always claim that “It’s hard to find a good man”. Most of the things that define a good man are counter-intuitive to us.


You can tell what a man is really like when you look at what he does when he has money/power/freedom. Using myself as an example, I spend most of my disposable income on Video Games, Electronics, Magic: The Gathering cards, and Food that is often less than healthy. I’m a huge nerd that loves movies and music and considers the size of his high-def television to be a barometer of his success in life.

I put a hundred bucks into savings every paycheck, which I plan on using to buy a house someday. This may seem like a very responsible and mature thing to do… until you ask me why I want a house. I need more space for all my toys. I want a house so that I can have enough outlets to plug in all my video game systems and computers. I want a house so I can network it and have my music playing anywhere in the place that I want. I want a basement/garage that I can turn into a man cave and put a Kegerator in. I want a big backyard where I can build a fort and shoot paintballs at my neighbors from it. My house will just be another enormous toy for me to play with.

If you doubt this, do me a favor and check out all the guys on the internet who decided to spend thousands of dollars building Deloreans to look like the time machine from Back to the Future. Or all the guys that ride ridiculous looking motorcycles. Or hell, look up Bar Stool Racing.

Some might say that these are all midlife crisis related. That men are just seeking to recapture their childhood because they feel old. Fuck no! A midlife crisis is what a man goes through when he’s tired of pretending to enjoy working in a cubicle, driving a minivan, eating healthy, and shopping for shoes with his wife and kids! Most men need to repress their manly urges to succeed in other endeavors or because they’ve been taught to do so by society. Even I must be sure I’m around other nerds before I say anything about Magic: The Gathering or Final Fantasy. I can’t speak for all men, but from my brief time being one, I have discovered that embracing your inner child/nerd and being proud of it can lead you to true happiness and self-confidence. Now to find a woman that will tolerate you!

A Woman’s Touch

Nigella Lawson is my #2 dream woman…
My #1 dream woman won’t let me watch her cooking show anymore.

Most women I’ve dated have been less than thrilled with my nerdy hobbies. Many of my friends have girlfriends that nag them to stop playing their video games or try to get them to stop going to the comic book store. I don’t get it. Why would anyone choose to be with a woman that willingly took them away from things that make them happy?

It’s not like they’re neglecting their responsibilities or their families. Most of my nerd friends work, pay their bills, and take their significant others out on dates. None of them are the type of people that would let their kid starve to death in the other room because they’re too busy playing video games. None of them are spending every waking moment working on their trucks. All of their bills are paid before they buy new toys. They aren’t gambling away their kids’ college funds or burning through their nest eggs.

And yet, every time my buddy Aaron wants to play World of WarCraft with us (maybe 3-4 times a week for a couple hours), we can hear his wife nagging him to get off and do something stupid like watch a chick flick with her in the living room or help her go clothes shopping. Or James that plays Magic with me on Fridays whose girlfriend won’t stop calling him and nagging him to come home because it’s “late” (8pm). There are teenage kids that get less nagging from their mothers than the amount that some grown men endure. These are the things in life that make us happy and we are not pathetic or wrong for liking them.

Of course there are a few, rare women that understand how to really please a man. My co-worker Jeremy has a girlfriend that supports his nerdy hobbies that include Battlestar Galactica, Video Games, and making silly videos. She even participates in these activities with him! My friend Jolinda and her husband play video games together and enjoy similar hobbies. My stepmom embraces my dad’s love of music, electronics, and theater. Kati’s mom adores her husband Dave despite his various projects including: building hundreds of computers, making movie-quality latex masks, and building a computerized fountain system in their front yard.

And then I have Kati, who is easily the most tolerant woman alive just for being with me for 4 years now. She not only tolerates my nerdy hobbies, but she enables them! She buys me Magic Cards as a surprise gift sometimes. She encourages me to upgrade my computer or my electronics. She cooks all the meals that make a man happy (Chili, Football Game Dips, Steaks, Spicy Sausage Soup, and pretty much anything with Bacon, Beer and/or cheese in it).

I guess my point for other Men is: Don’t sacrifice the small things that make you happy just so you can be with a woman that makes you happy. You don’t need to choose one or the other. You can moan all day about not controlling who you fall in love with, but at the end of the day loving someone that doesn’t want you to be happy is nothing more than self-inflicted pain.

And my point for Women is: If your man has a nerdy hobby and it makes him happy, embrace it. As long as he’s going on a date with you every week or two, spending time with the kids, and paying the bills, just let him have his fun. If you really want to make him happy, encourage him. Kati sometimes tells me that if I do well in my Friday Night Magic tournament she’ll cook something I like or reward me in other ways. These are small gestures that will really impress any man. She loves that she gets Friday nights to herself too. Peace and Quiet are rare and valuable things when you date me.

Plus, these things give you lee-way to nag him about other things, like being more ambitious at work or cleaning up around the house. Being able to say “This is the only thing I ever nag you about” goes a long way when it’s actually true. Everyone has things that they hate about their partners. Playing Video Games instead of helping you pick out shoes should not be the priority (and if it is, you got amazingly lucky).


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