Everyone keeps asking me, but I don’t know what to tell them. Being married to Kati isn’t really any different than being her boyfriend. I just don’t have the stresses of planning a wedding anymore. Oh, and I’m wearing a ring now, when I remember.
A Wedding is What You Make of It
We didn’t do the standard traditional stuff for our wedding and it turned out amazing. Every time Kati or I would have a discussion about “Would it be weird if we didn’t do the bouquet toss?” or “Do you think people will expect me to have bridesmaids?” we kept going back to the same mantra.
Okay no, not really. The mantra we went by was “It’s our wedding, so we’re doing what we want.”
I’ve never been a fan of tradition. My own nostalgia may guide me to prefer certain things from time to time, but doing something just because other people did it before just doesn’t make sense to me. In fact, I think the ideas and representations of “traditional marriage” were a big part of why I didn’t want to do it in the past.
Marriage is What You Make of It, Too
It turns out that getting married (at least in California) only requires us to have proof that we are who we say we are, and that we have witnesses attest that we both want to get married. I didn’t have to promise to never hang out with my friends again or stop being romantic. Kati didn’t have to metamorphose into a raging bitch or stop putting out. We didn’t have to sign something saying we’d have to have kids.
I know! Weird, right?
So all the friends I’ve had who have said “I can’t, my [wife/husband] won’t let me” aren’t miserable because they’re married. They’re miserable because they married the wrong person. They’re miserable because they’re giant pussies who can’t stand up for themselves. They’re miserable because they rushed into a lifetime commitment before giving themselves enough time to see who their partner really was.
Being married doesn’t change who we are, or how we treat each other. It only changed how other people see us, which is quite interesting so far. It’s only been a little over a month, but people already treat me differently. It’s subtle. It’s mostly positive. And it’s mostly people saying something as simple as “How’s married life treating you?”
It’s treating me well. Just as well as life in the months before the wedding treated me.
Now Stop Asking!
Or I’ll have to start entertaining myself by going into a fake melodramatic monologue about how it’s awful and I’ve made a terrible mistake.
In all seriousness, thanks for your support and good wishes everyone 🙂