My Answers for a Transgender Study End of Article
Discord question: LF fellow transfemmes interested in answering questions on their lived experience of gender? 12/10/2023 5:46 PM Hi! I'm writing a philosophical paper on the lived experience of transfeminine people of their gender. I'm writing this paper to better understand myself and other transfemme's experiences and challenges with learning, understanding, coming to terms, accepting, and establishing our gender. Hopefully, through this paper, I'll be able to share the experiences of being transfemme to others so that others can empathize with our experiences and challenges. Here are the questions, and if y'all have any clarifications, feel free to reply or DM me.

My Answers for a Transgender Study

807 words published on Dec 14, 2023

A member of one of the Discord communities I frequent posted a questionnaire for a college study and I spent so much time answering it I figured I should keep a copy here for myself.

1. Describe the nature of your gender.

I’m non-binary. I consider myself trans because I’m taking permanent measures to become more feminine, but I don’t currently intend to be considered a woman or man.

2. Describe the time you first realized the nature of your gender.

If we’re referring to the first time I realized I didn’t want to be a boy, that was probably during middle school when we were being separated by sex in some classes. Perhaps before that. I don’t believe I ever measured up to what people told me a man should be, and I rarely wanted to.

If we’re referring to when I realized I’m non-binary, it was probably in my thirties when I met people like me and started learning that was something (a label) people could be. It felt like finally having a word for complex feelings I’d held for a while.

3. Have you felt gender dysphoria before?

Yes, most of my life.

3b. If so, give an example of a time when you experienced gender dysphoria.

When I began puberty and hair began growing below my neckline, I hated it. I started shaving it off pretty early.

4. Have you felt gender euphoria as your assigned gender at birth before?

No.

4a. If not, how does the lack of gender euphoria as your assigned gender at birth relate to your gender?

I don’t know how to answer this. I didn’t know what gender euphoria felt like until fairly recently. How does one even know they lack something until they experience it for the first time?

I have friends who love being a man, and they give really compelling reasons for it. I’m happy for them, but I can’t relate.

5. Have you felt gender euphoria as a transfeminine person?

Yes.

5b. If so, give an example of a time when you experienced gender euphoria as a transfeminine person?

I’ve always loved dressing up for Halloween. The first time I dressed in drag was high school and I loved it. In hindsight, it was probably the first time I felt something like this. More recently, I feel euphoric when I wear girly clothing or when my long hair hits a new benchmark on my neck/shoulder/back.

6. Has gender dysphoria (or the lack of) had an impact on your gender?

Yes. Feeling good about myself as someone who doesn’t even attempt to fit into the binary is worth every bit of effort and struggle to get here. I’d prefer to never feel dysphoric again if I could.

6b. If so, give an example of a time when gender dysphoria (or the lack of) had an impact on your gender.

This question seems to be asking me “How did being in pain affect your preference for not being in pain?” Well… it made me not want to feel that way. It made me want to set accurate expectations for the people around me, so I didn’t get as many questions or weird looks in the process.

7. Has gender euphoria (or the lack of) as your assigned gender at birth had an impact on your gender?

See my answer for 4a.

7a. If not, discuss how gender euphoria (of the lack of) as your assigned gender at birth remained separate from your gender.

Again, I really don’t know how to answer this. I am one whole human being who doesn’t separate parts of my identity into buckets. Those buckets are social constructs I can use to try and describe the greater whole, but it’s not like I’m any different of a person if there isn’t an established bucket for part of me.

7b. If so, give an example of a time when gender dysphoria (or the lack of) as your assigned gender at birth had an impact on your gender.

See my answer for 4a.

8. Has gender euphoria (or the lack of) as a transfeminine person had an impact on your gender?

This is another question that feels repetitive. Yes. Feeling good about how I look and how others treat me is a big part of why I identify the way I do.

8b. If so, give an example of a time when gender euphoria (or the lack of) as a transfeminine person had an impact on your gender.

In addition to euphoria examples I already shared, I like that people don’t seem to lump me in with other men as if we’re all the same anymore. It’s validating to no longer be compared to a model I don’t aspire to be. Each step I’ve taken in listening to myself instead of my conditioning has made me want to live more.