10 Days of Zombie Corry

408 words  |  
Categories:  Life
Thumbnail Image for 10 Days of Zombie Corry

So today I started the “Master Cleanse“. Kati did it before and she thinks it will help us lose weight. I think it’s masochism.

Basically, it means I starve myself for 10 days and the only thing I swallow (other than my feelings of disdain) is water, salt, and this powdered lemonade/cayenne pepper mix. Then, I basically shit like crazy and lose weight.

Brilliant, I know.

So I’m going to be a bit zombie-like for the next 9.5 days. I’ll mutter stuff under my breath like “I will murder you if you bring that food near me” or just unintelligible sounds that all pretty much mean I hate my life. Don’t worry, I won’t try to eat your brains. Might go for a finger though if the hunger gets bad enough.

Day 1: Monday, July 16th

To me, the whole “cleanse”, “detoxify”, etc. fad is a bunch of bullshit. The equivalent of spinning in a circle and sprinkling fairy dust on myself for luck. The only reason I’m doing this is to be a supportive boyfriend (she’s doing it and I’m being moral support). So this is my journey. This will probably be a 10-Day long rant about how much I hate this stuff or how much I want a steak, so pretty much my normal Facebook feed.

This morning, I chugged a quart (pretty much 2 pint glasses) of salt water. I wouldn’t recommend this unless you like dropping a 60-90 minute time bomb into your stomach that makes you ass explode when the countdown ends. Kati told me I should do it before I leave for work and then drop the bomb once I get there. It worked out today, but I dread the likely situation where the trains get delayed on the wrong day…

At first, sipping the spicy lemonade drink was pretty tough to swallow, but now (halfway finished or so) it’s not so bad. It certainly makes me less hungry, which helps when my co-workers bring their amazing-smelling lunches into the office.

I decided I’m going to grow my beard in until this thing is over. Kati doesn’t like it, but she can deal for 10 days for making me suffer this way. Also, I was looking for an excuse to do it again anyway.

Day 2: Well that was quick

So the whole Master Cleanse thing didn’t seem that bad until I actually looked it up.

So yea. So much for that garbage.

Comments?

Instead of a comment thread, I've switched to a discussion platform you probably already use:

Remember to tag me if you want a response.

Other Articles You May Like

(Thumbnail Image for The Marriage Experiment and the End of an Era)
The Marriage Experiment and the End of an Era
1148 words  |  

For the first 8 years of my relationship with Kati, I was stubbornly anti-marriage. We spent years working on our relationship, and it hasn’t gone to waste.

Read the Article
(Thumbnail Image for How Shitty Should American Poverty Get?)
How Shitty Should American Poverty Get?
2451 words  |  

Income inequality and poverty have finally become a popular topic. We should look at fewer graphs, and instead look at real life.

Read the Article