Dear Grandma
My Grandma was the last person on earth I hadn’t come out to, so I wrote her a letter for her 100th birthday.
Hi Grandma!
Happy 100th birthday! I sent Dad a video message wishing you a happy birthday, and you may notice I look a bit different from last time you saw me. I want to give a you a few big updates.
Several years ago, after lots of soul searching, I realized I’m a trans woman. Since, I’ve been doing hormone therapy and changing my appearance. I dress more feminine. My speech and mannerisms are less rigid. I feel free to be my true self.
The years since have been the happiest of my life. Better than I ever thought possible. 🥰
Bethany is a huge part of that happiness too! She’s supported and loved me through every step. We got engaged this year, hope to wed at a local courthouse soon, and we’ll celebrate our wedding in Spring 2027. You’ll get an invitation when we send them out.
I’m sorry it took me so long to share all this wonderful news. I was hoping to tell you in person for your birthday, but I can’t make it because I’ll be recovering from surgery.
I love you! I hope we get to see each other soon.
♥️ Corry
About My Grandma
My dad is from Pittsburgh, where my grandma has lived my entire life in a small home they bought for 4 digits more than half a century ago.
Our whole family on that side are lifelong Steelers fans, even if a few of us have shifted and split our loyalties over the years. Grandma is a caring and selfless mother, grandmother, wife, friend, and neighbor. She’s fiercely independent, which drives my dad nuts sometimes and entertains me to no end. She’s always happy to see or hear from her grandkids.
My grandma is also a devout catholic. I’ve attended mass with her a handful of times and she always tells me she’s praying for me. I know being catholic means different things to everyone. Some of my friends are catholic-identified and none are homophobic or transphobic.
But I was afraid to fill my grandma in about my transition because of what I see most Catholics say about us. That combined with her age had me fearing… pushback.
Distance
Knowing someone your whole life and barely knowing them is weird. We’ve never been especially close, mostly due to distance. I grew up six hours away in New Jersey. We visited for about a week twice a year when I was a child, which made it hard to feel close to her the way I did with my maternal Grandma Diane who I saw regularly.
Nevertheless, she’s always been kind to me in every intention, even if she hasn’t always known the best words to use for those intentions.
Expectations
Grandma has never outright said anything to me to make me believe she wouldn’t accept me if I came out to her. She didn’t like when I told her I didn’t believe in God, of course. I wasn’t surprised about that reaction.
One of her sons, my uncle, is gay. I don’t know a whole lot about what that was like for them in the past but they have a great relationship now. He visits regularly and they spent the entire pandemic together without killing each other. It seems impossible to believe my grandma would be totally aligned with the Catholic church on queer issues.
I’m not dependent on her approval for anything. She can’t cut me off from anything essential beyond our occasional phone chats and cards in the mail. I’ve been trying to figure out what I was afraid of. Maybe it was a fear of burdening her with it when her health has been — understandably — waning over recent years. But…
Being trans isn’t a burden.
It’s a beautiful thing to discover about ourselves. A realization that opens up our world to a happy future we previously thought was impossible. It’s not an obituary, no matter what bigots want to pretend. It’s more like a birth announcement. Joyous news.
It also isn’t really that complicated. I don’t need her to know all the details I’ve been agonizing over my whole life. I just want her to know I’m a woman now and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Those facts aren’t going to blow her mind to bits.
These points refute ideas leftover from my own internalized transphobia.
She deserves to know the wonderful truth. She deserves the benefit of doubt that I expect her to be happy for me. She’s earned it my entire life.