FFS Before, In-Progress, and After Photos
Hopefully anyone reading this has already seen my explainer article about Facial Feminization Surgery, what I plan to do for mine, and my long process of getting it. This much shorter post will be a photo diary of my progress before, at the hospital, healing, and eventually after FFS.
(Yes, I’m still very excited!)
I’m going to do my best to keep a neutral expression in these. None will be retouched, and I won’t wear makeup or dress up for any of it. I have other posts where I share photos of me smiling and prettied up — and I’ll likely do even more of those after I recover too — but this one isn’t the place for it.
1 Year Before FFS
I took these photos for Kaiser when I met my surgeon a year ago.
4 Days Before FFS
I took these today. Not much has changed yet. I’m nearing my 3 year mark on HRT so facial changes at this point feel pretty minor.
Looking at my face like this is tough for me. I see unpleasant things I know others don’t, but that’s just how it feels. This post feels more vulnerable than others where I talk about really personal and embarrassing stuff. People who also suffer from dysphoria and/or dysmorphia likely get this, but I want to explain that for the rest.
Surgery Day
(August 3, 2026)
Warning! In case it isn’t obvious, the coming photos are going to look pretty brutal. If you don’t want to see me looking like I got hit by a bus on each side of my face, just wait for my next photo post after I heal more.
FFS Post-Op Day 1
I was discharged from the hospital around noon and couldn’t wait to get home.
Bethany designed this medication timetable when we got home to make sure I didn’t have any gaps in pain relief or missed any steps. 💖
FFS Post-Op Day 3
This was probably the worst recovery day after leaving the hospital. Nothing is really worse than staying overnight in the hospital, but I was swelling and still barely able to see out of my right eye on day 3.
Day 3 I was able to walk alongside Bethany as she walked both our dogs. They’re a handful individually, but a tornado of craziness when you have to hold both leashes at the same time. I’m supposed to get up and walk around when I feel able, and the fresh air felt good. I definitely felt exhausted after about 15 minutes and maybe two blocks worth of walking.
FFS Post-Op Day 4
This was the first day I was allowed to shower, and it felt so good. I still look absolutely ravaged and my hair will take a long time to recover from daily shampooing, but at least I felt cleaner.
FFS Post-Op Day 5
On day 5 I felt good enough to walk an extra block to my favorite cafe (Black Diamond) for an iced Vietnamese coffee.
I was a little self-conscious about my appearance but I decided there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Yea, I look like shit, but there’s nothing wrong with why. Sure, people might stare, but that’s fine too. I look weird. I might stare a little at someone who looked like this too. It doesn’t mean anything bad.
One of my neighbors was really sweet and told me I looked great. She’d gotten facial surgery last year and told me how hard her recovery was too. It felt really nice to connect with her about that. I had no idea she had surgery either, and she looks great today after getting some of the same stuff done, so that was reassuring.
Around this time, I started being able to manage my own meds overnight so Bethany could get some much-needed sleep. Before bed — after my midnight doses — I used my stacking pill cases to pre-fill my 3am, 6am, and 9am meds. The small colored dice represented my Nasal Spray (purple) and Mouthwash (green) to remind me to do those too. Then Bethany could switch off her alarms for those times and help me in the morning.
FFS Post-Op Day 6
FFS Post-Op Day 8
I was so excited for this day because my stitches — especially the ones in the corners of my lips — were so annoying and uncomfortable. My doctor was going to remove them at my first in-person doctor appointment since surgery.
FFS Post-Op Day 9
After getting the stitches and staples out, I could scrub my face and scalp a little more thoroughly in the shower, so that feels better too.
As you may be able to tell, it’s getting easier for me to relax and smile. It helps that Bethany tells me I’m pretty right before snapping these and I can’t help but smirk a little.
FFS Post-Op Day 11
Every day feels a little easier. I think this might’ve been my first day totally off opioid pain relievers. 🎉
Sadly, this means the week and a half of never laying down fully horizontally has really messed up my chronic neck and back issues. So those pains will likely continue until I can side-sleep again.
FFS Post-Op Day 12
That day I was meeting someone for coffee for my city council campaign (the work must continue!), so Bethany helped me style my hair as normally as we could. I didn’t want to scare them too much. 😄
It’s difficult, because:
- I’m not allowed to brush or comb my hair back because it might tug on my healing incisions
- I’ve been shampooing my hair every day for over a week at this point. I normally shampoo only like once per season because it dries my already dry hair out so much — I usually just condition. It feels so crispy right now.
- I can’t really whip my head around to dry it or let my natural curls organize themselves like I normally do. The swelling and neck pain make that hard.
But it still felt good to get a little more normal that day. I felt cute, considering how early I still am in recovery.
FFS Post-Op Day 13
At this point it just feels like a steady improvement of less swelling, lightening bruises, and healing incisions.
I’m returning to work (remotely) tomorrow, but I’m not ready to show my face on camera yet for meetings. That might take me another week or two, we’ll see.
Mental/Emotional Progress
Mentally, it’s really interesting to look back at my first photos on this page and think I look weird there. Especially since I still don’t really know what my face will look like another month or two from now yet. I definitely don’t miss my old face, even now when I still look so messed up.
I went to a small get-together with my friends today, and it was really funny, weird, and good to see their reactions. Many of them didn’t recognize me at first. I thought that’d feel bad, but it sort-of validated that the changes I want are happening.
FFS Post-Op Day 16
Working again is rough. The amount of not just looking at screens all day, but reading and writing text on them is taking my exterior skull pain and adding interior headache pain too. I’m trying to be careful about taking breaks, but in a better world I’d probably want to take another week off.
FFS Post-Op Day 18
Progress feels slower now, which is a little disheartening because I want these cheek bruises gone and my lips to feel normal again. Getting annoyed with still having to eat carefully and talk funny. I’m so impatient!
FFS Post-Op Day 22
Bethany did my hair today! It feels so much better and my bangs cover up my forehead scar well enough that I don’t really need my headband. I still like them though.
FFS Post-Op Day 24
Took this selfie at Public Market while waiting for my food order. I’m annoyed at how long the last bruises and swollen bits are taking to go away, but I like how I look!
FFS Post-Op Day 26
I tried to dress cute today and I think I did okay. It’s hard to feel cute before I can do all my self care stuff.
FFS Post-Op Day 28
(August 31)
My bruising is almost gone. You can see it pretty clearly in daylight but at night it’s barely visible.
FFS Post-Op Day 29
I’m a little squinty here because the sun was in my face, but I feel pretty good today.
FFS Post-Op Day 33
(Sept 5)
I wore makeup for the first time since surgery the night before this shot. I refreshed it for this day because I had 3 big meetings planned. I felt pretty cute, so I think this one will be my first one I share on my public profiles since FFS!
FFS Post-Op Day 36
I was walking home after a community event regarding the Sutter Hospital project and someone called me cute (in a not-too-creepy way) as a walked by, so I figured I should snap a selfie. 😊
FFS Post-Op Day 46
(Sept 18)
Walking home after volunteering at the Senior Center. Felt cute, though exhausted.
FFS Post-Op Day 48
(Sept 20)
I could finally get my eyebrows done before this one! I finally feel like my face is complete! 🎉 (Even though my chin is still numb and my lower lip is still spotty on sensation.)
FFS Post-Op Day 48 — No Makeup, No Smiles
It was hard to simulate the “neutral face” I had in my before photos, but I wanted to provide as “apples-to-apples” a comparison as I could.
I don’t feel like these look like me, but I also don’t feel like the before photos did at the time either. I was a bit miserable then because I was taking them after not doing all my normal self-care stuff for a week or so. I’m not miserable now.
I’m Not Done Healing, but I’m Done Updating This Post
I’ll still continue to heal for a couple more months, but the differences will be so small now that it’s not worth updating here anymore.
The rough healing timeline is:
| Day 3 | Peak swelling, pain, and discomfort |
| Day 7 | Things start to settle into normalcy, but still quite swollen |
| 2 weeks | Can return to work and do light activities, swelling should be less noticeable |
| 1 month | Can do all my normal activities, swelling should be mostly done, but will continue to reduce |
| 6 weeks | Can get my eyebrows and hair done, can do my full skin routine and wear makeup, and will probably finally feel like myself again. |
| 6 months | Completed recovery |
How I Feel About My FFS
Within a few weeks, I already knew I loved it. When I look at the side-by-side “apples-to-apples” photos I laid out for this post, the changes don’t look that big.
But they feel immense.
Review of Each Procedure’s Results
In order of how much I love the changes:
- My forehead and brow ridge is smoother and allows light to hit my eyes so much nicer now. The dark circles around my eyes are still there, but less severe-looking.
- My nose is cuter, smoother, smaller, and my fixed deviated septum helps me breathe more easily.
- My lips are plumper and feel more feminine. They were one of the most annoying parts during healing, but well worth it now.
- My cheeks are excellent, and they really help my face feel like the right shape for me.
- My hairline is smoother and a bit more forward, which I like. I think I’ll like it more once the incisions are finished healing and the hair along it grows back more.
- My neck submentoplasty is nice, but because of my muscles and other anatomy the surgeon wasn’t able to get my neck as smooth as he can on some other folks. I don’t mind it, but I’d skip that part of the procedure if I could see the future — Especially since it was one of the expensive uncovered ones.
- My chin is a little softer and rounder, but I don’t think it’s different enough to feel worth the recovery experience. I also only got the submentoplasty because I was reducing my chin, so skipping both would’ve been cheaper and less painful.
I’m also glad I didn’t get the procedures I skipped.
My Emotional Results
I’ve written about gender euphoria a bit these last few years, but I wouldn’t call this that. It’s more like my baseline no longer includes something that’s weighed me down since I was a teenager. When I wake up in the morning with bedhead, no makeup, and before my skincare routine and see my reflection, I don’t hate it. I don’t immediately turn my eyes away in disgust.
When I reached a few thresholds where my body’s shape changed in ways I like, I felt smaller amounts of this relief from gender dysphoria. Changing my face has done so much more. It’s probably still too early for me to say this with any true finality, but I may have stopped feeling dysphoric at all? I barely even feel any of the impostor syndrome that’s plagued me since I began this journey.
Transmedicalism?
Some of that may be based on a toxic idea I try not to feed: that I’ve now finally earned it. By going through all the pain and expense of enough surgeries, lasers, drugs, and electrical shocks to have sufficiently proved to myself or the world that I’m serious about my transition.
But I don’t think that’s a majority of what changed my feelings about it. I think it has more to do with paying less of a tax to feel like myself.
The [Blue, White,] and Pink Tax 🏳️⚧️
After FFS, likely the final step in my gender affirming care journey, it takes less effort just to feel right.
- HRT has slowly shaped me in ways I love.
- My makeup routine feels easier after my face healed, and I don’t need as much of it.
- I no longer need shapewear to have the right body profile after top surgery.
- I need less shaving now than before I started four years of intensely painful hair removal procedures — another process I’m coincidentally finally nearing the end of now.
- My voice training is continuing to help me unmask and expand my range.
All of us have at least a little theater in the way we portray ourselves to the public. Women have it hard, required to pay the pink tax just to avoid being gender-policed by society. I have to pay the trans tax in addition. I’m hoping that’s nearly over and I can just pay for the pink stripe now. But it’s well worth it for me.
Satisfaction
I may not be the fantastical superhuman I fantasized about being when I created my first female characters in video games decades ago. I’ve wanted to move in this direction for a very long time. I just didn’t have the knowledge, freedom, safety, or resources to act on it before. I dared not even think about it, because the pain had no solution. I’m glad I figured it out, though I resent the artificial barriers I had to break through to do so. I hope future trans folks have fewer of those.
Thanks for coming along for the ride.