Lalafell Gender Transition 4 Comments
My Lalafell Black Mage riding a magical dog as we fly across the moon
My Lalafell Black Mage riding a magical dog as we fly across the moon

Lalafell Gender Transition

For anyone who doesn’t play Final Fantasy XIV, my character’s race is called Lalafell. They’re possibly the least gender expressive species ever. Little fingerling potatoes made sentient. There’s currently no way to choose any gender but male/female for any race in the game. Lalafell genders are basically indistinguishable.

To anyone who plays: Please excuse my lack of detailed explanations. I deleted sooooo much text explaining game details to stick to the purpose of this post. 😅

Two identical Lalafells holding hands, one of each gender
Reddit thread asking what makes Lalafell genders different, answered by describing how female Lalafells have exaggerated eyelashes.

I didn’t screenshot my male Lalafell right before I spent $10 to change to the female version. But the ridiculous shot at the top of this post is basically it. This is what she looks like now.

Ultros Kowalski as her Black Mage main job (May 2024)

Final Fantasy XIV Society

As soon as I logged back in, as expected, all the characters in the world immediately switched to she/her/madam/mistress/etc. No awkward transitions or needs for the NPCs to take time to pivot their thinking. I didn’t lose any progress or reputation with any of the factions. My stats didn’t change. I just arrived and continued about my day and nobody batted an eye.

I wasn’t prepared for the emotional impact this completely obvious and expected thing had.

The worlds of FFXIV are often utopian (constantly in crisis, but utopian nonetheless). But the way this experience immediately switched on a dime made it feel even more so for me.

Throughout my time questioning my gender, the magic wand question has been a truth-finder for me. Things I choose when I put myself in an imaginary safe space tend to reveal my innermost desires. There are few safer places than the character creation screen of a video game.

I made this character in 2012

File this under my continuously expanding folder of “There were signs.” 🐣

Ciaphas, my Final Fantasy XI character, in low level Black Mage gear. A mithra with dark fur and short spiky white hair.
Totally unrelated: My Final Fantasy XI (2003) character was a cat girl.

I made my Lalafell Black Mage 12 years ago. I remember wanting him to be this unassuming, tiny, smooth, genderless little guy who created giant explosions. Little stars on his cheek represented the enormous meteors he’d drop on unsuspecting enemies in the cutest possible way. It gave him a little bit of a Ziggy Stardust vibe.

Switching him to female this week was so weird. Ever since I started playing again a little over a month ago I’d been considering it. The item that lets you change your character’s core configurations (race, gender, horoscope, etc.) costs $10 in real money. I kept brushing off the impulse. It’d be silly to drop real money just to change my characters eyelashes a little.

Tooltip for the Phial of Fantasia in Final Fantasy XIV
(Square Enix baked binary gender into this game so hard 🗾)

Less than a week later and the euphoria I feel in my escapist fantasy world is already well worth $10. The first time an NPC I’ve known for years ran up to me and effortlessly addressed me as Mistress Kowalski before getting right to the point of the quest she had for me lit me up so unexpectedly.

It’s silly. So silly. But the feelings are real and I’m trying to let them in, no matter how silly they may seem.