The Ninja Move of 2007 End of Article
Candid 2007 photo of Corry sitting at his desk at home in the room he was renting. The desk is covered in food, toiletries, and other supplies indicating how small a living space this was. The Matrix movie poster is on the wall behind him. His arm is painted green with an acrylic paint design by Kati who took the photo.
Candid 2007 photo of Corry sitting at his desk at home in the room he was renting. The desk is covered in food, toiletries, and other supplies indicating how small a living space this was. The Matrix movie poster is on the wall behind him. His arm is painted green with an acrylic paint design by Kati who took the photo.

The Ninja Move of 2007

This is the story about the time I snuck out of my home and “ninja moved” in the middle of the night to escape an abusive roommate.

The Situation

When my landlord tried to illegally jack up my rent, I decided that was the time to find a new place.  He typed me a letter saying that he was raising my rent by $100 and that if I was going to move out, I would have to tell him in two weeks or less and pay him two months rent as a fee for “breaking a lease”. 

Problems with that:

  • I never signed a lease.
  • We never specified a term for my rental.
  • I paid every month’s rent in advance.
  • He knows I can’t afford to pay more than I already do.
  • I haven’t had TV service for over two months at this point, which was part of his end of our rental agreement (all utilities are available and included in rent).

Previous Problems with the place:

  • I had to drive 45-50 miles to work and back every day.  This cost me roughly $60 a week for gas and added 500 miles to my car every week.
  • It took 15 minutes to drive from the house before you got even close to civilization.
  • In November, he was planning on having a pool/hot tub, grass in the backyard, new tile, new carpet, and new paint “next week“.  He said this every month or so to get us to clean up after him to prepare for the invisible workers.  It’s May.  Nothing even close has occurred.

Personal Issues with him:

  • The guy wanted me to be his friend and if I was unresponsive to these attempts, would harass me.
  • When he had friends over, he would harass me, insult me and my friends, and attempt to humiliate me in various ways so he would look cool.
  • He was noisy, crude, nosy, and flat out obnoxious.
  • He would enter my room without knocking.
  • He would demand that I help him clean up messes around the house that he and only he created.
  • He lied to me and my other roommate in an attempt to pit us against each other.  He told each of us that the other one didn’t like them and made up things that we each said.
An email I sent my family and friends — May 15, 2007

Beyond what’s in the email:

I was renting a small room in a 3 bedroom house on the edge of Phoenix for $400 per month. There were no amenities except a pool table that barely fit in the dining room. It was all I could afford. I was desperate. I ignored several red flags that haven’t caught me since luckily.

The landlord/roommate was a real estate flipper who rented out rooms in the fixer-uppers he planned to fix-up eventually. He spent most of his time at the gym, trolling MySpace for any attractive woman in the area, binge drinking at clubs, and driving home drunk.

The Ninja Move Plan

I booked a U-Haul for a night when he’d hit the clubs. This was a pretty reliable event. I kept it parked just around the corner until he left.

I discretely packed my small quantity of belongings without making it obvious and stowed the boxes in my closet.

He drove off in his BMW wearing one of his dozens of skin-tight black t-shirts, comically large gold chain, and jeans that showed off the many leg days he skipped. He was the poster child of mid-2000’s Phoenix fuckboys.

Kati and I pulled the moving truck up and loaded it as quickly as possible. I left nothing of mine behind. I left the room empty except for my house key in the center of the floor. No note, no vandalism, and I took only what belonged to me.

Luckily, he didn’t come back. I never saw him again.

After the Ninja Move

He eventually texted me the next afternoon. I presume he came home late, slept in, and woke up hungover. He probably didn’t realize I was gone until he let himself into my room without knocking. That was the norm anyway. Suffice to say, he was displeased.

Since the ninja move, the shithead harassed me via text, phone, and email until I blocked him on each. He attempted to mail me scary letters from small-time lawyers and collections agencies. I ignored them and nothing has happened.

The other roommate messaged me a few weeks after the move. He told me he did something similar but less sneaky. I’m glad we both got out.